Sometimes the oddest songs pop into my head! I can thank Sir Elton John for that one, but I’m not sure I can say that it completely applies to my current situation.. sigh.
I suppose I “am” still standing. Well, wait..I guess I am perhaps better than I was yesterday, or maybe even the day before that. Definitely not “better than I’ve ever been”, as the song says, though.
Definitely better than two weeks ago, however.
This isn’t going to be a Behcet’s entry. My life came to a grinding halt a couple of weeks ago, and I wasn’t sure for a few moments if it was ever going to restart, much like your car battery before you use those jumper cables. In that brief moment before the sparks fly, from one battery to the other, bringing it life, I wasn’t sure if mine was going to continue, and if it did, if it would ever be the same again.
I should back up. My son had been having a difficult time lately. That’s putting it mildly. My son has been having one helluva bad year in school, had a horrific summer, and things just weren’t getting better. He felt overwhelmed. He felt unimportant. He loves everyone. He puts others’ feelings before his own, including their pain. He felt that he couldn’t fix me, and the fact that I wasn’t getting better made things worse. School wasn’t going well, there were bullying issues.
Two weeks ago, my 13 yr old son tried to take his own life. He thought he’d succeeded, until he woke up the next morning. He worried so much about how it would afffect me knowing what had happened, that he tried to wait until he saw his family therapist. He knew she would have to tell us since it involved safety.
He couldn’t wait, and in a conversation, he confessed what happened to me forty eight hours after the fact, and then told me that he still felt like it was the best plan. While I tried to continue breathing, tried to look outwardly calm, we talked about what led to that happening, what he was feeling, and what we felt needed to happen.
He spent ten days in the adolescent ward of the psychiatric ward of a hospital near us. I know that he received much needed help. I will be eternally grateful that God had future plans for my son that involved him remaining here with me awhile longer with me.
This has happened amidst all the news stories about what people are referring to as an epidemic of children committing suicide as a result of bullying. Bullying was not the single reason that my son reached the point that he did, but it played an enormous part. Bullying is also playing a huge part in my son being anxious about returning to school on Monday. He worries about being “that” kid. The one that went to the hospital. More material for bullying.
I am here to tell you that I won’t stand for it. This experience has changed me. I believe that things happen for a reason. Always. My son has been given a second life. Other children haven’t been given this, and I don’t believe for a second that those children were less deserving. There are children dying at the hands of their peers before they have a chance to live!!!
Please, read the articles on CNN, your local news, wherever you read your news. Verizon has an excellent piece with links and videos about texting and bullying. Until we, as adults, realize that this is a huge problem, and take steps to stop the problem, it won’t stop.
This problem won’t begin to change until we, as a nation, recognize that it’s more than just a problem. Yes, it’s huge. It will take huge steps on our part to change it. It will take courage. Courage on our parts as adults with or without children. Courage that will trickle down to the children and empower them. We must empower ourselves, and the children, and let others know that we won’t stand for others taking our power anymore. We must take BACK our power to be ourselves, free to be different, without fear of being tortured by others.
Please, join me. Let’s all be able to say “I’m Still Standin'” together!